Thirty, Somehow 😩

Today is my birthday. I turned 30! Honestly, I still can’t believe I’m saying that. 30! What a number 😂

When I think about the past few years, I don’t even know where to start. So many things happened. So many detours. Plans that changed. Places I never thought I’d be. People who came into my life, and people who quietly left. New faces, new chapters, unexpected plot twists and some really tricky turns.

Some things worked out. Some didn’t. And some things I never expected to have are now some of the most important parts of my life. It’s a lot to take in.

The older I get, the more I realise how fragile life actually is. How temporary everything can be. One day, something feels like your whole world, and somehow, years later, it becomes just another memory. Maybe that’s why I’ve started appreciating memories differently.

The random conversations. The silly moments. The family gatherings. The friends who stayed. The people who showed up when I wasn’t doing okay. The love that somehow found me even during the days when I felt completely lost. Those things matter. More than I used to think they did.

Turning 30 also made me realise that I’ve spent too much time thinking life was some kind of competition. That I had to be ahead. That I had to have everything figured out. That there was a certain timeline I had to follow. 

But honestly? There isn’t. Life is not supposed to look the same for everyone. I think of it as a blank canvas now. And we are the ones painting it. Some colours come from happiness. Some come from heartbreak. Some from mistakes, failures, bad decisions and moments we wish we could redo. Some come from hard work, courage, success and the things we fought really hard for.

Not every colour is pretty. But every colour belongs to the painting. And I think that’s the beauty of growing older. You start understanding that even the things you once hated going through had a part to play in shaping who you are now.

Thirty feels different. It feels like I can’t keep saying, I’ll do it someday. Someday has to start becoming today. My dreams can’t just live in my head anymore. If I really want something, I have to do something about it.

Less talking. More action. Less hoping. More doing. Less waiting. More starting. But at the same time, turning 30 has also taught me to slow down. I don’t need to do everything at once. I don’t need to prove anything to anyone. I just need to keep going.

Be realistic with my goals. Keep things in moderation. Stop thinking that everything has to be big or perfect to be meaningful. I’m learning that consistency matters more. That progress can be slow and still be progress.

Keep going when it’s hard. Keep showing up when I’m tired. Keep giving when I feel like I’m losing. Keep fighting when I don’t really know what I’m fighting for yet. Because life is hard. It always will be. But I don’t think it’s meant to be a competition either.

I’m 30 now. And I think I finally understand that I don’t need to have the perfect life. I just want a life that feels like mine. I want to do my work well. Finish what I started. Chase the things I’ve always wanted to chase. Take care of the people I love. Appreciate the people who stay. Be better in my relationships. Be better to myself. And maybe most importantly, I want to live instead of constantly worrying whether I’m doing life right.

I don’t have everything figured out. Far from it, actually. 😂 But I know more about myself than I did before. I know what matters to me. I know what I want to work towards. I know what I’m willing to fight for. And I know that every version of me brought me here.

So, hello 30. I’m not expecting you to be perfect. I just hope you’re real.

I hope I have the courage to do the things I keep saying I want to do. The patience to keep going when things don’t happen quickly. The wisdom to know when to push and when to slow down. And the heart to appreciate what I already have while still working towards what I want.

A new number. A new chapter. Same me, just a little wiser, a little more grounded, and hopefully, a lot more intentional.