LOOKING BACK, MOVING FORWARD

I didn’t realise how much last year changed me until I tried to put it into words. I’m emotional because I survived things I never talked about. 

Some days were heavier than others. Some moments broke me in ways I never expected. I learned that healing doesn’t always come with closure, and strength doesn’t always look like confidence. 

Sometimes, it looks like waking up, showing up, and choosing to keep going when everything inside you feels tired.

So I begin this new year gently, carrying what I’ve learned, and allowing myself to move forward with a little more patience, faith, and compassion for the person I am becoming.

What Did 2025 Teach Me The Most? 

2025 has been one of the most challenging years of my life.

I had my heart broken, my trust destroyed, and my world shattered by the very thing I once held onto most tightly, love. A love I believed was entirely mine. A love I once thought was so pure, so sacred, that betrayal was impossible.

It happened quietly. Without me noticing. Without me realising how deep the problem was, or how badly I was already hurt. Perhaps that was the cost of being too ignorant of my surroundings. Or maybe, to put it simply, it was a test, one I was destined to face.

I would be lying if I said it meant nothing. What happened became one of the darkest episodes of my life. I was at my lowest point. When I received the news, I was left speechless, unable to believe it. In a matter of seconds, my world collapsed. And knowing that the one who betrayed me was the person I trusted the most broke me even further.

From that moment on, I learned not to trust blindly and not to love too much. I learned that you can still be deeply hurt by someone you love dearly. Love alone is not enough to guarantee loyalty. It takes maturity to build a mature relationship, one where loyalty, kindness, sympathy, empathy, and trust are never matters of question.

Through both the hardest and happiest moments, prayer became my best friend. It was the only place that remained constant when everything else felt uncertain. God became my refuge. I spoke to Him more this year than I ever have. Alhamdulillah. 

I questioned Him endlessly. Why me? Why now? What was the reason? Why didn’t You take me away from someone who could hurt me like this? But as those words left my lips, I felt fear and regret. That’s when I realised, my heart still wanted what it wanted. Despite the betrayal, I struggled to let go of what I believed was mine.

So I learned to sit with the pain. To accept it. To acknowledge my reality. To find a balance between giving and protecting my heart.

How Do I Feel About Entering A New Year?

If I’m being completely honest, I feel more scared than excited about what lies ahead. Life has always been uncertain, and I’ve never been good at embracing uncertainty. Yet, it’s something none of us can ever escape.

I don’t know what I might lose, or what I might gain. Possibilities scare me because they can lead to either happiness or heartbreak. And after everything I’ve been through, that fear feels very real.

I do have resolutions, but they’re not the typical kind. This year, I want to appreciate the people around me more and be grateful for everything unfolding in my life, both the good and the challenging. I want to love more wisely, and to rely on God more deeply.

I want to be hopeful, mindful, and calm in every situation. To be resilient in my actions and brave enough to take the steps that are required of me, even when they’re uncomfortable. 

I also want to lead a healthier life, to exercise more, to care for my body, and to remind myself that my body is mine. If I want to be healthy, to feel confident, or to feel beautiful, I will do it for myself.

I also gained a few kilos this year, and I won’t pretend that I’m happy about it. More than appearance, it made me realise how much I want to be serious about my overall well-being, my body, my skin, and my mental health.

This year, I want to show up for myself better. To procrastinate less, focus more, and work towards realistic goals instead of overwhelming ones. I want to give my best, and I want to be consistent at everything I do. 

I want to give reading another chance. To intentionally set aside time for it, without pressure. And I want to let go of books that no longer speak to me, donating the ones I don’t enjoy, so they can find their way to someone who might.

I want to speak more, to share my thoughts honestly, without fear. I want to be more present in conversations, more open in expressing what I feel, and more helpful in every way I can, whether through words, actions, or simply being there for others.

I welcomed the new year with tears, overwhelmed by what I’ve been through and anxious about what’s ahead. Yet beneath it all, there was gratitude for surviving, and hope for becoming stronger 💖