What 2022 has taught me so far (life lessons)

I cannot believe we are already 4 days away from 2023 and boy oh boy. This year has been something, well at least for me. Primarily for all the wrong reasons. I would not lie, 2022 has been pretty damn crap so far but none of those things made me regretful of what I have done. Everything happens for a reason, and though it made me extremely sad, I believe it is meant to be that way and I should accept it with an open heart and an open mind. I have never quite had a year like this when it comes to my mental health. Of course, I was talking about my break-up and how it has affected me greatly. I have never been in a more confused and messy state but whatever happened has put me at a loss as to what I should do. Honestly, I never enjoyed the decision I had to make. I would never leave if I have a choice. This is one thing that many people do not know of and often, I am judged for what I did. I have never suffered from depression before, even at my worst time. But this year. Oh boy. My head has been all over the shop! I would not go into the details about how I have been feeling but I will say, it has been unbearably hard times for me. Of course when you go through hard times, whatever they might be, it comes with a lot of lessons. I feel like I probably learn more from the difficulties in life than when everything is smooth sailing. So it is safe to say that 2022 has given me a lot of lessons so far. Lessons that I am glad I got, despite how I got them.

I have learned that it does not matter how hard I try, I cannot specify a date for a new start. I enter into a new year with the hope that it is going to be THE YEAR. I prep and plan as much as I can. I set goals and intentions while the rest follows. But the truth is, life does not work that way, and just because I change my calendar, does not mean I can leave everything behind. Shit will follow me into the new year, whether I like it or not. I may have a new beginning but the sadness remains and the memories stay. I also learned that friendship and quality time matter. This year, I made more friends than I could ever ask for. We all know how hard it is to make friends as an adult! But I do not really like sharing my personal life with others, not with random people. I would only open up if I trust that person and it takes years before I can do that. That is what a best friend means to me. They have access to my life and the things I am doing. I have given them the privilege to do so. They really should be grateful that I have acknowledged their presence and how significantly important they are to me. This year too has made me realize how crazy I am with coffee, desserts, and cafe exploration. I have noticed my love for coffee has grown bigger than I expected. I spend way too much money buying my coffee from different coffee shops. Every time I did my assignments, coffee is a must and it is one thing I am hardly trying to reduce. My acne has been acting up pretty wild lately. I am sure it was because of the extra caffeine I took from my drinks. Now, I am switching to tea - not the best option but acceptable. Once my skin is getting better, I would take my coffee again. There is no way I am quitting my coffee-drinking habit. My brain works better with coffee and ideas come to me like a shooting gun! I have also been spending more quality time with people I love and I will never underestimate the power of that again. All those small acts of love and kindness have helped me stay grounded and aware of what matters. I also noticed how talking about my feeling and communicating my expectation is crucial. Considering I spent so long being depressed, I noticed talking about it help me to cope with the stress better. Surprisingly, I did not learn this one sooner. Over the last few months, I have been slowly opening up and talking more about how I am feeling, and it has been hugely beneficial. Both to me and the people who spend the most time with me. I am scared of what people might think of me but I have come to realize that people who truly love me will always support me. 

I also learn to face things. I cannot hide behind my sorrow and grieve forever. Speaking the truth, I do not feel like I am spending my 20s the way I always dreamed of. I am still very resentful of the fact that my "problems" took a huge chunk of my 20s from me. Relationship-wise, I feel like I am incredibly behind where I want to be. I feel like because of this, I have hidden from the reality of things for quite some time. But this year has forced me to have some discussions about things that have been very needed. From that discussions, I have decided to make a change for good. Change, on the other hand, is scary but vital. I have changed a lot. My preference, my way of thinking, my way of doing things, my way of seeing people, and my way of appreciating efforts have been upgraded. I see people with their hearts and I always want to say no to arguments and disagreements, no matter what the situation is. Change is a scary prospect but it is so vital for my growth and those around me. We cannot stay in the same place forever – physically and mentally. The most important lesson I have learned this year is only you know what is right for you. This one is SUPER relevant to my life right now and it is a lesson I am very grateful to have learned. It does not matter what the decision is, as long as it is the right one for you. It does not matter what others think, what others feel is right, or even what you tell them. Only YOU know what is right for YOU. I did what I did for reasons that only I will understand. Not even a second that I do not think about the people I have hurt, the soul I have damaged from decisions I have made. I have considered everything before I decide to do something and I would not have done it if it was not for the best. 

2022 has been pretty shit. It has been a roller-coaster ride but I met many wonderful people along the way. I have been loved more than ever. Though I cannot deny that this year has been mentally challenging. It has been eye-opening and it is just generally been completely ridiculous, to put it bluntly. But that is okay. It is crap but it is okay. Because not every year is going to be a banger and we all need to learn something. We have been so programmed to enter into a new year thinking this is going to be THE ONE. That it is going to be life-changing. That all our problems are going to be over, just because there is a new number at the end of the year. Whilst that might be the case for the odd few people, for the majority, it is not. And that is life. 2023 will be a different year for me (I hope). I will no longer be forcing things. What flow, flows. If it is meant to be, it will find its way. I will have no expectations because everything can happen in a year and before you know it, you have already lost. It is good to have resolutions but always be realistic that not everything will happen the way you plan it. Regardless, I am welcoming 2023 with an open heart. May this new year bring us only the best. For myself and the rest, let us go out with the old and in with the new 💖